Navigating the Shadows: Seasonal Depression and Holidays Without a Parent

Photo by Jed Owen on Unsplash

Navigating the Shadows: Seasonal Depression and Holidays Without a Parent


As the leaves turn and the air grows crisp, the holiday season unfolds with its unique blend of joy and melancholy. For many, this time of year is challenging, especially for those grappling with seasonal depression. My journey with seasonal depression is deeply intertwined with personal loss and the evolving nature of holiday traditions. Growing up, Thanksgiving was more than just a family gathering; it was a ritual centered around the Dallas Cowboys game, with my dad masterfully smoking a brisket, infusing the holiday with warmth and laughter. However, this cheerfulness took a different turn after his passing, which poignantly occurred on New Year's eve 2006. The subsequent years saw me trying to keep the spirit alive by adding my twist to the tradition – frying a turkey tailgating at Texas Stadium, yet each holiday season, especially around this time of the year, triggers a deep sense of loss, a reminder of the void left behind.

This was in 2001 at the tailgate before Creed rocked the halftime show with weird bald guys flying around on ribbons:

In this article, I'd like to explore the complexities of seasonal depression and how the holidays take on a different hue after losing a parent or loved one. It's a journey of navigating grief, adjusting traditions, and finding ways to cope with a season that often feels darker than it once did.

The Complexity of Seasonal Depression

Seasonal depression, or Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD), is a phenomenon that many grapple with, yet its intricacies are often misunderstood. As daylight dwindles and the cold sets in, a significant number of people find themselves battling a subtle but persistent gloom. This form of depression is not just about the shorter, darker days; it's also about the psychological impact of the changing seasons. The holiday season, with its emphasis on joy and togetherness, can ironically amplify these feelings of isolation and sadness for those dealing with SAD.

For individuals like myself, who have experienced significant loss, the holidays can be particularly challenging. The festive lights and gatherings meant to uplift spirits, often serve as stark reminders of what and who is missing. In my case, the loss of my father, coupled with the fact that his passing coincided with the New Year, makes this time of year especially poignant. While others celebrate and make merry, those of us dealing with seasonal depression often find that our grief is rekindled, and the weight of absence feels heavier.

Understanding seasonal depression requires acknowledging that it's more than just "winter blues." It's a complex interplay of emotional and psychological factors that can deeply affect one's mood and outlook. As we delve deeper into this season, it's important to recognize these challenges and offer support to those who might be silently struggling.

Coping Mechanisms and Support

Navigating the challenges of seasonal depression requires a multifaceted approach. It's essential to recognize that while there's no one-size-fits-all solution, there are several strategies that can provide relief and support during these trying times.

1. Light Therapy: One of the most effective treatments for SAD is light therapy. This involves exposure to a light box that emits a bright light mimicking natural outdoor light. It's believed to cause a chemical change in the brain that lifts mood and eases other symptoms of SAD.

2. Maintain a Regular Schedule: Keeping a regular schedule can significantly help in managing seasonal depression. This includes having a fixed sleep routine, eating healthy meals at regular times, and incorporating physical activity into your day.

3. Connect with Others: Social support is vital. Engaging with friends, family, or support groups can provide a sense of belonging and help reduce feelings of isolation.

4. Seek Professional Help: It's important to recognize when to seek help from a mental health professional. Therapy, particularly Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT), has been shown to be effective in treating SAD. I've been seeing my therapist for 15 years every other Tuesday and its maintenance for my brain. Even when things are good there can be things I work on to maintain the peaks, There are always a valleys on the horizon

5. Mindfulness and Relaxation Techniques: Practices like meditation, yoga, and deep breathing exercises can reduce stress and anxiety, helping to alleviate some symptoms of seasonal depression. Download Calm and Mediate, I also recommend reading this book

6. Vitamin D Supplementation: Since reduced sunlight in winter can lower Vitamin D levels, which might play a role in SAD, Vitamin D supplements can be beneficial, although one should consult with a healthcare provider before starting any supplementation. I go for walks every morning to get sunlight and my body moving. I Highly recommend this as its been part of me and my wifes morning ritual as we both work from home and can easily just cocoon.

Embracing New Traditions While Honoring the Past

The holiday season, often steeped in tradition, can become a complex time for those who have experienced loss. However, it also presents an opportunity to create new traditions while honoring cherished memories.

Creating New Traditions: Starting new traditions can be a healing process. It allows us to redefine the holiday experience in a way that respects our past but also embraces our present and future. This could be anything from volunteering at a local charity, starting a new hobby, or simply gathering with friends for a movie night. The key is to create something meaningful that brings joy and comfort.

Honoring Loved Ones: While establishing new practices, it’s also important to find ways to honor and remember lost loved ones. This can be done through simple acts like lighting a candle, sharing favorite stories about them, or including their favorite dishes in holiday meals. These acts serve as a bridge between the past and the present, keeping their memory alive in our hearts.

Balancing Emotions: It’s natural to feel a mix of emotions during this time – sadness for the loss, joy for the new experiences, and everything in between. Allowing yourself to feel these emotions without judgment is crucial for emotional healing.

Supporting Each Other: Finally, the holidays are a time to support and be supported. Sharing your new traditions with others and participating in theirs can be a way to strengthen bonds and provide mutual comfort.

By embracing new traditions while honoring the past, we can find a balance that allows us to move forward with a sense of hope and continuity. This approach acknowledges our loss but also celebrates our capacity to create new, joyful experiences.

The Role of Self-Care and Mindfulness

Amid the holiday bustle and the challenges of seasonal depression, prioritizing self-care and mindfulness can be a game changer. It's about taking intentional steps to nurture our mental, emotional, and physical well-being.

1. Prioritize Self-Care: Self-care is not just a buzzword; it's a necessary practice, especially during emotionally charged times. This can include anything from ensuring adequate rest, enjoying a favorite hobby, to simply taking a moment to breathe and be present. It's about doing things that replenish and rejuvenate you.

2. Practice Mindfulness: Mindfulness involves being fully present and engaged in the moment, aware of our thoughts and feelings without judgment. Techniques like meditation, mindful breathing, or even mindful walking can help center our thoughts, reducing the overwhelm that often accompanies the holiday season.

3. Set Boundaries: The holidays can sometimes bring undue stress and expectations. Setting boundaries is crucial to protect your mental health. This means being okay with saying no to certain events or obligations that feel too overwhelming.

4. Seek Moments of Joy: Amidst the challenges, it’s important to seek out and savor moments of joy, however small they may be. Whether it’s a quiet morning with a cup of coffee, a laugh shared with a friend, or the beauty of winter scenery, these moments can be powerful antidotes to the heaviness of seasonal depression.

5. Reflect and Journal: Reflecting on your thoughts and emotions through journaling can provide clarity and a sense of release. It’s a way to process feelings and gain perspective.

By incorporating self-care and mindfulness into our daily routine, we can better navigate the complexities of the holiday season. These practices help in creating a space of calm and clarity, allowing us to move through this time with greater ease and resilience.


As we journey through the holiday season, grappling with the shadows of seasonal depression and the ache of lost loved ones, it’s important to remember that this time can also be a period of profound growth and healing. The strategies discussed – from embracing new traditions to prioritizing self-care and mindfulness – are not just coping mechanisms, but pathways to rediscovering joy and meaning in our lives.

In my journey, the holidays have transformed from a time of deep sadness to a period of reflection and new beginnings. The loss of my father, especially with the anniversary of his passing coinciding with the New Year, brings a unique complexity to this season. Yet, it's also a reminder of the strength and resilience we all possess. Embracing both the pain and the joy, the memories and the possibilities is what makes us human.

As we move through these festive yet challenging times, let's hold onto the hope that brighter days are ahead. Let’s be gentle with ourselves and others, understanding that each person's experience with seasonal depression and grief is unique. And most importantly, let's remember that even amid winter, we can find warmth in the support of those around us and the strength within ourselves.

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